Draco Malfoy and the Mystery of Evolution
by selenehekate
Summary: It's a muggle insult! How is Draco supposed to know what evolution means and why it must have skipped over him? Oneshot PD. Please read and review!


_Draco Malfoy and the Mystery of Evolution_

"You're nothing but an ignorant little Mudblood!" Draco Malfoy yelled at the bushy-haired girl across the hall from him.

"Well you're nothing but a shallow _ape_!" Hermione Granger snapped back. "Evolution skipped over you, didn't it, Malfoy?"

That was the beginning. One, simple exchange of insults, and suddenly Draco was on a quest to find out just what evolution was. It was a term he'd never encountered before - so he knew it had to be of muggle origins - but that was all. Other than that... well, who knew? Was she insulting his family? His brain? His - Merlin forbid! - _hair_?

Though to most, Hermione's harsh barb was something to quickly forget, for Draco, it was the source of an ever-lasting torment. He _needed_ to know just what she was saying about him. He needed to know what she really thought about him.

Why? Well, he wasn't entirely sure. He thought it might be because he wanted to use an equally powerful verbal attack the next time he saw her. Yes, that was it. Of course, he was going through an awful lot of trouble just to learn the definition of one word...

This was something he quickly realized once he started questioning his housemates as to the origin of "evolution." Crabbe and Goyle, for example, were unsurprisingly of very little help. Since the word wasn't a curse or poison of any kind, they were simply clueless as to what it could mean.

"But why are you trying to find out?" Crabbe had asked as he blinked thickly down at his unofficial leader. "It's not really important."

"No," Draco had said, irritation creeping into his voice. "I still want to know, though."

"But why?" Goyle had asked.

"Because I do."

"But why?" Goyle had asked again.

"I don't want to be ignorant."

Crabbe had scoffed, "So what?"

"So I don't want to be ignorant!"

"But why?"

"You know what? Forget it! It doesn't matter!"

Blaise had also been less than helpful in conveying the meaning of the word, though he knew more about it than Crabbe and Goyle had. "Isn't that some muggle word?" Blaise had inquired with a raised brow.

Draco had sighed. "Yes."

"So why does it matter?"

He'd leaned back, his hand covering his face as he slowly shook his head. "Not this again," he muttered. "Never mind. I'll ask somebody else."

Pansy was, sadly, the worst person he could have asked to help him solve the mystery of "evolution," because unfortunately for him, she had actually been present on the day that he and Hermione had their verbal spat.

"Seriously?" she'd asked with a cocked brow. "You really care about what _Granger_ has to say?"

"Look, do you know the definition of the word or not?"

She'd rolled her eyes. "You're pathetic, you know that, right? Merlin, it's almost as if you actually _like_ her."

"Pansy-"

Her eyes had narrowed as she examined his face: his eyes tired with disappointment and curiosity, his hair tousled due to the number of times he'd run his fingers through it. She'd snorted in disgust. "You know what? I think you really _do_ like her!"

"Do you _know_ what the word means, Pansy?"

She'd glared and immediately walked away. "Definitely not."

So Draco had no choice but to venture away from the Slytherin house. Quickly, he'd found Ernie, a kind yet idiotic Hufflepuff who would surely know what the stupid word meant... right?

"Oh, that's that muggle thing, right?" Ernie had said cheerful, a bright smile on his face.

"I don't know," Draco snapped, "that's why I'm asking you!"

"Oh, it's a muggle... thing about how people do... things. It's complicated. I... I don't really know what it's about, to tell you the truth." He'd shrugged. "I'm sorry, Malfoy. But you should probably ask someone else."

But that was the problem; he didn't know anyone else. The only people he hung out with were his fellow Slytherin purebloods and half-bloods. The only person he was on good terms with who had any _chance _of knowing what "evolution" meant had been Ernie, but that was a complete disaster. No, he had no choice. The only way he'd ever find out what Hermione had meant when she'd insulted him was to... ask Hermione herself.

"All right, Granger. That's it! I've had enough," he said after potions one day. He had cornered her down the hall and pushed her up against one of the stone walls. "I want to know what it means!"

She blinked up at him. "What _what_ means?"

"The word! Evolution! What does it mean?"

"How do you know..." Her eyes widened as understanding washed over her. "Oh my- You're still thinking about _that_?"

"Just tell me!"

"Malfoy," she said with a stifled laugh, "you really should just let this go. It's not a big deal, really."

"I'm _not_ going to let this go!" he protested as he crossed his arms over his chest. "I have not spent the past few _days_ lying awake at night, wondering exactly what you think of me just to let it go!"

"What I think of you?" she asked, blinking in surprise. "You want to know what I think of you?"

"Yes! Yes I do-"

He was cut off, however, as her lips crashed into his. Without meaning to, his hands wrapped up to entwine themselves in her hair, and suddenly, he found himself kissing her back as quickly as he could. Without warning, she pulled away, an open expression on her face. "That's what I think of you," she said softly.

"Oh," he said slowly as he nodded his head once. "Right, then. Well." Then, without meaning to, he made a face. "You still haven't told me what 'evolution' means."

But she just burst into laughter as she wrapped her hands around his neck. "Oh, Malfoy," she said softly. "That's one mystery that's going to have to remain unsolved." Then she stood up on her toes and kissed him once more.

* * *

_This was also written for the Hogwarts Games: Men's Beach Volleyball and the Pairing Diversity Boot Camp with the prompt "never". Please review it and tell me what you think! I'd love some criticism. Thanks!_

_Cheers!_

_-Selene_


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